I feel fat, miserable and bored. I am so insecure and uncertain about everything. I didn't want to end up like this, and I don't want to keep it this way. So I'm putting my foot down. Things have got to change around here and I'm starting right now.
Two New Years have passed and I'm still exactly where I am the previous year. So let's list it down.
GOALS:
1.
Eat healthier. It's really hard to eat healthy if you work 12-hour shifts (especially during night shift) and you cannot predict when your next meal will be. I usually resort to just gulping down any available food whenever I have free time, even if I don't feel hungry. And I don't really have lots of healthy choices at work. Plus, I have a 14-year-old brother who likes Oreos and chocolates and fried foods. TEMPTING!
It's going to be really hard ignoring what everyone else is eating, and preparing my own food and bringing baon but I just have to SUCK IT.
2.
Exercise. I have 3 options: Running, swimming or yoga.
Running - Definitely the cheapest. I can just start jogging around the block for free, or pay for a 10-peso entrance fee at Remy Field. The thing is, I don't really like running. I actually tried doing this for a couple of weeks way back and I just stopped going because I don't enjoy it.
Swimming - I had swimming lessons for my scoliosis when I was in college and then I suddenly stopped because it's a fucking hassle having to bring your gear and changing into it and showering after your swim and it wrecks your hair and stuff. Plus, swimming is really really hard, you guys. Although I think this will give me the most benefits.
Yoga - I actually did yoga for about a year after I graduated from college. It's the most expensive option among the three, as it costs 100 per session, plus I have to drive all the way to Subic Bay Yacht Club. But yoga is definitely my favorite activity. However, classes interfere with my work schedule more often that not.
I have a 4th option, though. I can just do whichever of the three I like for any particular day. The only downside is, there is no commitment to just one activity and I might just stop going.
3.
Read more. One of my plans for this year was to read at least one book a month (I figured 1 book a week is out of the budget) and write a book review here.
Why I want to read more: Do you know how mind-numbing my job is? I mean, sure it's very challenging, both physically and mentally, but most of the time I can just go through the routines even with my eyes closed. I need intellectual stimulation. I need to explore other worlds and what better way to do this than to read? Plus I really really love reading but haven't read any decent books since I went to college (save for Harry Potter). My mind is getting really, really rusty and it needs some dusting.
4.
Practice my piano skills. I don't know how I'll do this since both my upright piano and electric keyboard are out of commission. Am I committed enough to this cause to shell out my hard-earned moolah to have either of them fixed?
5.
Paint. My God, the last time I painted properly was in high school. I'm not even that good. This is time- and space-consuming. But I dunno, I think I can commit an hour a week for this. The thing with painting is, I can just spend my entire afternoon filling that canvas without eating or any bathroom breaks. That doesn't really fit my lifestyle.
6.
Travel to 2 different destinations. I am eyeing somewhere really near for the summer, like Baguio, Tagaytay or Anawangin Cove, and Cebu-Bohol for my birthday. I really want to see those tarsiers!
7.
Spend less time online. I have a confession to make. I am a Facebook and Tumblr addict. While both have their advantages, I've realized how it has crippled my imagination. I don't have to do anything or even participate. I just sit back and scroll down and 'Read more', hitting the Like or Reblog button like a zombie. I spend sooo much time reading about other people and things that I have forgotten how to process my own thoughts and emotions.
Repeat after me: I do not have to post every little thing I'm doing or thinking on the internet.
Which brings me to my 8th goal...
8.
Blog. I have been blogging on and off for a really long time. I was in college when I got into blogging. I learned HTML and CSS for my blog. I was really active in Tabulas for a long time and even gained a handful of online friends. Then I moved to Multiply. Then micro-blogging happened and I have never been able to blog properly ever since!
The thing with blogging is I have to come up with substantial posts that are more interesting than my one-liners such as "having a good time at Shakey's" or something like that. My posts have to have a story, a conclusion, a deeper meaning.
I don't mean to blog for audience, although anyone who will actually read what I write here are very much welcome and appreciated. I want to blog mostly for myself, to have a place where I can process everything that happened to me and gather my thoughts and figure out what I need to keep and what I need to throw away.
Of course, there is a confidentiality issue when it comes to blogging about my work. I'm a nurse in a government hospital. It's a tough job, and something that is closely tied to the negative things about life and humanity. Every work day for me is filled with stories and realizations I want to share with the rest of the world, but I'm not so sure up to how much I can share.
So that's it. My goals for the year 2012. Procrastination, please go away.
